


Where Are You Now?

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:22:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: The Winchesters didn’t expect Kevin to steal their hearts. However, what shocked them even more, were both their hearts getting shattered as they lost the one they loved.





	Where Are You Now?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Faded by Alan Walker. 
> 
> Unbeta’d, so all the mistakes are mine!
> 
> Okay, I really like this one, even though it had been difficult to wrap my mind around this idea at first. Hope you’re going to like it too!

It had never been supposed to go like that. 

_ You were the shadow to my light _ __   
_ Did you feel us _ __   
_ Another start _ _   
_ __ You fade away

Yes, it had been difficult at least to fix everything after the whole mess with Dick, Sam not answering Kevin’s calls and all of that, but they had managed to get past that. Sam and Dean had been together since the very beginning and, somehow, Kevin had found his way into that relationship as well, soon after they had met, even though none of them had expected that to happen.

_ Afraid our aim is out of sight _ __   
_ Wanna see us _ _   
_ __ Alight

It had been tricky to work all of it out, not to mention that the Winchesters hadn’t been used to having someone else around, but they had pushed through, not wanting to give up on what they had had together. Kevin was stubborn and, even though he had cared about them a lot, the demon tablet had been his priority number one still. Sam and Dean hadn’t had a choice but to allow him to work on it, trying to take care of him the best they had been able to in the meantime.   
  
_ Where are you now? _ __   
_ Where are you now? _ _   
_ __ Where are you now?

But, even though they had tried their best, there had been no way they could have protected him completely. They had been going out of their minds when Kevin had sent them an emergency message that had clearly meant something had been wrong. But, they had had no choice other than to do what he had told them, use the translations and do what had been best for the world.

_ Was it all in my fantasy _ __   
_ Where are you now? _ _   
_ __ Were you only imaginary

After the angels had fallen, it had seemed to get better again, even though Kevin had no idea that Gadreel had been the reason Sam had been alright. Dean hadn’t been able to tell him, because he had known that Kevin would have demanded him to tell Sam as well and that hadn’t been an option.

_ Where are you now? _ __   
_ Atlantis _ __   
_ Under the sea _   
__ Under the sea

And it was Dean’s fault that Kevin died. It was all Dean’s fault and, even after he got Sam back, it the weight of that was crushing him nonetheless, making him lock himself in his room and drink until he would pass out. He couldn’t get that moment out of his mind, nearly going crazy with how much his heart was breaking at the loss.

_ Where are you now? _ __   
_ Another dream _ _   
_ __ The monster's running wild inside of me

Why couldn’t they have one good thing in their lives? Why did it always have to go the worst way possible? What did they do to deserve the worst outcome, instead of being happy for a goddamn minute?

_ I'm faded _ __   
_ I'm faded _ __   
_ So lost _ __   
_ I'm faded _ __   
_ I'm faded _ __   
_ So lost _ _   
_ __ I'm faded

The nightmares were plaguing Dean and even Sam’s embrace wasn’t enough to make them go away. The moment of Kevin’s death was playing on repeat in his head, nagging him and driving him nuts. There was no way he would be okay after something like that, he knew that. And, honestly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be okay, because it seemed like destroying the memory of Kevin. Every smile and every happy moment he and Sam had since that moment seemed like a betrayal of what used to be and what could be if Kevin was still alive.   
  
_ These shallow waters never met _ __   
_ What I needed _ __   
_ I'm letting go _ _   
_ __ A deeper dive

Sam was not in the best shape either and, even though he knew Kevin’s death was Gadreel’s fault, his hands had been the ones that burned Kevin’s soul out of his body. His hands and body had brought violence and death into the Bunker, even though he hadn’t been the one in control at that time. Sam could swear it was all because of him, even though Dean kept repeating it wasn’t, and the only person who should be blamed for all of that was Dean himself.

_ Eternal silence of the sea _ __   
_ I'm breathing _ _   
_ __ Alight

In that situation, the only thing they could do was to try not to get broken up even more over that and, even though it hurt like a bitch, they tried to think of Kevin in terms of him being happy with them. Sam and Dean reminisced all the moments and smiles they and Kevin shared, all the good things that happened to them because of him and thanks to him.

_ Where are you now? _ _   
_ _ Where are you now? _

They couldn’t possibly know that Kevin was right there, his ghost form unable to manifest in any way, and all he could do was watch and long for the two he loved. He couldn’t hold back a smile any time he saw them trying to make up for all that had gone wrong in between them and he desperately wished he would be able to show himself to them one day.

_ Under the bright _ __   
_ But faded lights _ __   
_ You've set my heart on fire _ __   
_ Where are you now _ _   
_ __ Where are you now

It seemed like some wishes could come true after all and he managed to appear in front of the very confused Sam and Dean, asking them for help with rescuing his mother. Kevin didn’t pretend he didn’t see the tears running down his lovers’ faces. He could see the pain inflicted in their eyes as they were unable to do anything but look at the one they thought they had lost forever. Before he had a chance to say anything, to comfort them in any way or remind them he loved them, the found himself disappearing again, coming back to being invisible to their human eyes.

_ Where are you now? _ __   
_ Atlantis _ __   
_ Under the sea _ _   
_ __ Under the sea

Leaving them after they had rescued his mother was one of the hardest thing Kevin had done in his life. Despite not being able to do anything, he would rather stay with them, but there was no use in that. She needed him and it’s not like he could explain the bond between the three of them to her, she wouldn’t understand. After she left them for a moment, Sam and Dean both began apologising, their gazes low on the floor as they admitted it had been their fault he got killed, but he only shook his head. That’s just how the life looked like, and there was no way he would let them blame themselves for a minute longer. It was difficult to say goodbye, but Sam and Dean understood, and Kevin hoped they would move forward once he would be gone.

_ Where are you now? _   
_ Another dream _   
_ The monster's running wild inside of me _

It was peaceful, too silent almost, after Kevin disappeared. The Winchesters had trouble getting over the fact that he was there somewhere, but not right next to them. With every day it was getting a lot easier, though, and with all the problems the world was throwing at them all the time they managed, for the most of the time, to stop thinking about what they used to have with Kevin. That was the only way they could start to heal.

_ I'm faded _ __   
_ I'm faded _ __   
_ So lost _ __   
_ I'm faded _ __   
_ I'm faded _ _   
_ __ So lost

They didn’t expect it to hurt when Chuck sent Kevin to heaven, they thought that they finally got over all the pain and suffering. Seemed like some wounds could never heal completely, but, at least, Kevin was exactly where he belonged and that gave them both hope.

_ I'm faded _

Maybe they would be able to see him in Heaven someday.


End file.
